autumn paranoia

Alright, I’ll get this straight. My hair is not a cry for attention. Sure, I’ve had nice comments about it but I cut it this way because I’ve always liked the style, and I get confidence from liking my own appearence, regardless of whether or not other people do. I don’t want more attention. I enjoy getting starnge looks and second glances from people, but I don’t expect comments and I’m happy not getting any. Really, whatever you think, as long as I’m happy with who I am - which I am - I don’t give a fuck what other people think. Too many people seem to think that because I’m a Goth with blue hair and platform boots I must dress this way because I want attention, and I don’t know how i can just fucking persuade everyone that I just like these clothes and that’s why I wear them, not because they’re omgsupergothy or because they get attention for me. I suppose part of the problem is that I used to be a lot more insecure and sought some attention because of it, and because other people still remember that version of me instead of the person I am now, they find it hard to belive that i’ve changed. This person that I am now is confident, alright? I like her. She’s not a stupid little insecure girl who gets screwed over because she’s too nice and too fucking shy to say no to things and to get what she actually wants. She can be a bitch, which answers your point about me being volatile, because she’s fed up with just trying to please other people instead of herself and ending up unhappy because seriously, we can’t live out lives to please others and we deserve to let ourselves be happy. This person isn’t the girl you used to know any more. Got that? I’m sick of the old me, and I like the new one, volatile bitchiness included.

Ugh, that was a lot longer than I thought it might be. TL;DR Whether you believe me or not, I am not an attention seeker and I’m sick of being called one. Why can’t people talk to me properly for once instead of jumping to conclusions? Ask why I shaved half of my head, instead of assuming that I did it for attention.



And a final point: Maybe in “normal” boring society I stand out, but I’m happier where I fit in. I’ve just spent four days at Sonisphere and I loved it so much because I was accepted and I could look at other people wearing pretty, gothy clothes with bright, unnatural, partially shaved hair. Again, don’t just jump to conclusions. I don’t dress this way to fit in anywhere any more than I do only to stand out. But at Sonisphere I didn’t stand out more than the other dyed, shaved and booted punks/Goths/metalheads and I loved that. I only get more attention in “normal” society because you’re all boring fuckers with uninteresting clothes, no offense meant. Probably. Oh look, I’m being a btich again. It’s nothing personal, but when people accuse me of looking for attention I will get angry because I’m not and most of the time the people who think that are the ones who, even subconsciously, make assumptions which could be avoided if they just talked to me for even two minutes.