Posted on Wednesday, 25 August 2010

I need to find a new scene. I don’t belong here. I have a few good friends but even in that group there’s people that I’m starting to feel aren’t actually the sort of people I want to be friends with any more. The places I feel at home aren’t the places I’m used to, they aren’t full of people I’ve known for years. They’re places with people like me. How much shit have I got on VampireFreaks? Absolutely none, ever. Three years I’ve been a member there, and I’ve never had a single bit of abuse. My Formspring page, in contrast, recieves plenty of anonymous and pathetic abuse and since Facebook is the only place with a link to it the people there are the most likely suspects. To be honest, I’ve made a new Formspring page and I’m not gonna tell Facebook where it is. Why bother when I’ll just get more ignorant insults? I’m sick of it. Sick, sick, sick. The insults themselves I can deal with fine, it’s just the fact that I keep getting them. They’re all to do with my appearence, and it just shows that those people don’t understand me and don’t try to. They think that I dress like I do for attention, they think other people’s opinions of my hair actually matter to me and they seem intent on knocking down my self esteem because I’m different to them. Well, fuck that. I love being different. I genuinely would get depressed if I dressed like everyone else because that’s not who I am or who I want to be and I don’t want to fade into the background. I like remembering that I exist.

I’m tired of trying to believe I fit in here, because I don’t. I’m not happy here. I’m at a point where if I didn’t have a chance to move on like I will at sixth form, I’d explode with frustration. I want to start again with almost everything. Forget the inane, overly complex baggage, be friends with the people that are actually good friends to me. That’s actually less people than I’d thought before, by the way. I can’t be bothered with some people any more, they seem to just take me for granted and I’m fed up with it, but that would fill a whole other post so I won’t go into it. TL;DR: I’m not happy with my current social situation anymore, I want to move on and I want to find people I really fit in with. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.